The life of a single parent can be lonely. So lonely that the closest thing to romance is the novel resting on the stand next to my empty bed. So lonely that the only man I wake up to in the morning is Howard, Howard Stern, and the only men I go to bed with, Ben & Jerry, can be easily picked up by any other woman in your grocer’s freezer.

Where does a single mom meet decent guys? I’ve noticed a couple of date-ables at work, but that can get ugly. There was the story of a woman who dated a guy in her office. When she ended it, she came in to work the next day to find her bra and panties draped over her workstation. No thanks.

I had a friend who met her husband through a singles ad in The Reader. It’s true. Some people are just lucky. Then there’s the rest of us. I’ve known other women who have had countless boring lunches as a result of their ad.

Many newspapers, magazines, radio stations and the Internet have singles ads or meeting places. The main thing to remember with a singles ad is that you don’t really know who you’re dealing with, so screening the respondents is very important. The first step is creating the right ad. I try to imagine my ad:

"Single mom, looking for decent guy for friendship, maybe more. Must like kids. A sense of humor a big plus, meanness disguised as a sense of humor a big minus. Druggies, smokers, barflies, and the unemployed, no matter how cute, will not be considered. Talk of ‘boundaries’ a big minus! Heroes need not apply. Must agree that most of the women on TV are way too skinny and that facial lines add character. Ideal candidate works out regularly but not obsessively, likes the outdoors, and has the maturity to understand that cats are not social animals like dogs. Must have a life."

Would there be anyone left? If there are, and their not afraid to call, the next step would be to meet face to face. Even though Internet flirting can be fun, it’s hard to really know a person until you’ve met them. There are too many horror stories of women being taken in by Internet suitors who end up robbing, raping or killing them.

The best places to meet are well lit, public places during daylight hours. Lunch or coffee is easiest, that way you don’t feel like you’ve wasted too much time and/or money if the guy’s a troll. And definitely keep away from your usual hangouts lest you should see him suddenly show up every other day with longing looks after you’ve told him you’re not interested.

This can get messy, almost as bad as dating at work. I’m not putting singles ads down, I’ve seen them work beautifully, but a lot of thought and care need to go into it. When the alternatives run out, there are (gulp) more traditional, perhaps better, ways to meet men. Introductions through friends and family have been and still are a great way to meet nice guys. After all, who knows your taste, personality quirks, and values more than those close to you? Of course, this can lead to you being introduced to everyone’s rejects or ex’s, but my cousin met her husband that way.

What others can’t do for you, do for yourself. Do what you love, the men will follow. Church groups, political or social clubs, historical societies, art groups, sports activities, etc. offer great opportunities to meet potential partners. Many of these groups can be found on the Internet or in community sections of local newspapers. Pick up the yellow pages and look up topics of interest. Take that acting class you’ve always wanted to take, it might change your life.  


A Note From The Editor:

Single mom Laura Mitchell has one teenage daughter. Thank you Laura for your support and contribution. We look forward to your future articles.

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