Monique is a class act. She doesn't care about etiquette or manners. They've gotten her nowhere in the past. No, she's turned over a new leaf. "Tell it like it is and don't be shy about it!" is her motto. Monique has been burned by men whom she dearly loved and betrayed by jealous women whom she though were her friends. She's intelligent, funny, charming and vindictive. Did I mention that she's vindictive? Anyway, we hope that when you've got a real problem, you will turn to Monique for the answer.

(for entertainment purposes)

My friend and I go out and the minute she starts drinking she starts with the very loud "This is my very best friend in the world" routine. I am so embarrassed! And then, when we get ready to leave the establishment, she gets even louder and starts with the "Come on Old Lady" comments. Granted, I’m 46, but I don’t like being referred to as old. We’ve been friends for thirty years. I have tried to approach her about how she is and how it makes me feel, but she just laughs it off. Please direct me.
Embarrassed
Greenville, PA

Dear Embarrassed,
Next time you are out with your friend and she embarrasses you, do something about it! When she gets loud, just apologize to everyone for her behavior and explain quietly to everyone within ear shot that your friend is having a hard time tonight because she just discovered that her ex-husband has been having an affair with her 83 year old mother. This will take the attention off of you and put it all on her.
Monique



My ex and I have been divorced for ten years. It’s bad enough that my children call her step mom and that they have family pictures taken together, but what really makes it difficult is that I still struggle, after ten years, with being in love with this man. I’m hoping that you can give me some advice as to how to handle all this.
Bleeding Heart
Lake Providence, LA

Dear Bleeding,
Get over it already! If the family pictures bother you that much, cut the woman’s face out and put yours in! Might I suggest that you consider bleeding wrists instead of bleeding heart and get it over with!
Monique



I have been dating the same man for the last five years and still am today. The problem is that he has become so possessive, that if I go to my daughters or a friends house for a cup of coffee, he calls every 20 to 30 minutes. Then when I get home I have to listen to him for hours about how we don’t spend any time together. I do care about this man, but this is driving me crazy.
Attached At The Hip
Boulder, CO

Dear Attached At The Hip,
One idea might be to attach a dog chain and collar around his neck for a few days and see how he likes it. Another might be to have a T-shirt made that says "I am his" and wear it every time you leave the house. Only to change when you get where you’re going. Or better yet, Call him every two minutes for at least three hours and tell him you’re just checking in. I personally would report to him even when I was home and he was in the bathroom. Just drive him as crazy as he is driving you.
Monique



As a widower I have started dating again. I met this woman who is 20 years my junior. Her energy and spontaneity have made dating fun. But I just can’t keep this pace forever. Well, based on that, I tried to tell her she needs to find someone closer to her age. She claims undying love and states that age doesn’t matter. I am confused and not sure if this is true. Should I continue with the relationship, which I enjoy, or just cut the tail off the dog all at once?
Confused-With Knife In Hand
Napa, CA

Dear Knife In Hand,
I stay with her till your pacemaker quits! Age doesn’t matter, unless you’re a woman. Throw caution to the wind and reap the benefits.
Monique